Do You Ever Feel Like…?
Do you ever feel like what you see online or hear people talk about just simply isn’t your reality? One of these areas for me has been creating a nursery for my children. I have had three babies but not a single one of them has had a typical nursery. I haven’t been able to plan for any of my children like you think you would have the opportunity to do. The online world has turned our thoughts of what baby preparation, and therefore nursery preparation should be into something way more extreme. Just like the drool worthy Pinterest and Instagram pantries, laundry rooms, or everything in between we have inspiration that can make us feel less than when we don’t accomplish that. Let’s chat about the reality of real life baby nurseries!
Sometimes The Dream Is A Reality
Don’t get me wrong, sometimes the dream we see online can be made into a reality. I have known plenty of women who have created gorgeous nurseries. Some are the Instagram worthy ones, some are just really sweet spaces that remind me of a “normal” nursery like my mom prepared for me so many years ago, and then there are people who are like me and have unique situations that don’t follow much of the norm at all. As I mentioned before, I have had two children with one on the way, but none of my life situations have been the average experience. It has made it hard to plan a “perfect” nursery for any of my children and I have struggled with that.
I am not immune to scrolling through pictures on the internet and becoming swept up in longing for the dream like nurseries I see. Sometimes, when my friends have created their picture perfect nurseries I feel simultaneously happy for them and envious. It is perfectly normal to straddle the line of wishing for the beautiful things we see and often long for and knowing that we don’t need those things or they are not always realistic. Neither one means you are good or bad and in fact it’s healthy to sit somewhere in between – even if sometimes that feels like a struggle.
My First
When I was pregnant with our first baby we lived in a cabin that was a little less than 500 square feet. You can read all about that adventure here if you’ve missed it. It was essentially a one room space with a detached bathroom outside. My husband built a small bedroom that pretty much just fit our bed. I was also working full time, and although it was a remote job it was pretty demanding. I worked way more than forty hours a week most weeks.
When it finally came time to prepare for my baby I was still working overtime, training someone to take my place, and trying to sort out how to prepare my home for a baby that had zero space for a nursery. At the time, our living room and office were technically in one room, but I divided them by putting a dresser in the office that was against the back of the couch in the living room creating a dividing line between the rooms. That dresser felt like my chance at the one space for the baby’s things.
This took a bit of doing however. I cleared off the top of the dresser to set it up as a changing table. In order to use the dresser drawers we moved a chest of drawers that had come with the cabin we purchased and was being used in the kitchen into the living room. We moved everything from the dresser into that chest. We replaced the chest of drawers used in the kitchen as storage with a new pantry cabinet and a small cabinet for dishes and cutlery and moved pots and pans to a wall hook. It was quite a bit of preparation but I finally had a dedicated space for baby storage!
A Future Nursery
While the dresser worked great for the first few months of our daughter’s time at home with us I knew the day would approach when she no longer could be in the bassinet (that barely fit into our bedroom). Once our daughter was born, I had planned to go back to work part time since I worked remote. I had read of others doing that successfully and had several friends who were able to do it, but I quickly discovered my daughter would not tolerate me going back to work. She needed me like she needed air. It just simply wasn’t in the cards for me to go back to work so my husband and I crunched numbers and while it would be tight we managed to make it so that I could stay at home with our daughter.
Once I no longer was going to return to work our answer for a nursery was found. The office was taken down and replaced with a crib and rocking chair and a few baby things. It was far from my “dream” nursery and a tight space, but it worked and I was grateful to finally have a dedicated space for my child!
In the meantime, we were building our family’s home on the same property as our cabin. I looked forward to creating my daughter’s nursery when we moved which I had hoped was just a few short months away. Unfortunately, those few months became a full year and a half and I never did get that perfect nursery for her, but I did create a super cute toddler room that my daughter and I love!
My Second
If you have been on my blog for a minute, you have likely read about our second child, our daughter, Evie. It was a stressful pregnancy from the moment of conception all the way to her birth at 38 weeks. She likely had Trisomy 18 (Edward’s Syndrome) which meant that if she lived and made it to birth there was a high chance she would die shortly after birth. If she didn’t die she would likely have a multitude of extreme disabilities. The disabilities can be extremely varied and the severity too.
Many families feel as if they are just waiting for the day their child is taken by the disorder. They live in a home with hospital equipment and off and on hospice. It can be a devastating disorder. While there is so much hope and joy in the children and their lives it is met with hardship.
We finished building our family’s home and moved in when I was about halfway through my pregnancy with Evie. I began picturing the nursery we had upstairs as an empty room never to be seen by the child it was meant for. Instead our office / playroom space was pictured as becoming a room filled with medical equipment and potentially the room I would watch my child die in if that day were to come.
I not only did not have a nursery to prepare, but had no clue how to plan for this child. The visions felt bleak and sad. While I could have still set up a nursery I couldn’t bear the thought of leaving the hospital with no baby and coming home to an empty nursery that I’d then have to take apart. So, once again a typical nursery was not in the cards for me.
My Third
You can imagine after Evie, who did pass away just five hours after birth that while we have been praying for and so excited for this third baby it’s also been met with a lot of anxiety. In Evie’s short life she blessed us with so much! We have always known this baby would do the same, but praise be to God thus far baby is healthy! After all we went through and finally settled in our home I was really excited to enter into this pregnancy and finally experience a more “normal” situation.
Well, life’s a funny thing. Three months into my pregnancy my husband and I decided that we needed to move. Crazy! After all the work we put into building this home to turn around and leave, but it is in the best interest of our family for a multitude of reasons. This pregnancy has brought stress too. Not only have I not been able to create my dream nursery but we’ve been struggling to sell our home and completely uprooting our lives. We are now decidedly here for the birth of our baby due to the struggle to sell our home in such a poor market so while last minute I am finally nesting.
I still won’t have the nursery of my dreams as I don’t plan to put holes in the wall or decorate a whole room just to pack it up and move. I would also take this stress any day over the stress of my last pregnancy. But, nevertheless, it still has been a huge bummer to not be able to create that nursery, or even experience a more “normal” pregnancy especially since this is likely my last as we don’t plan to have more children after this one.
The Silver Lining
Here’s the thing – many people have unique pregnancies. Some have large families and a nursery for their new baby isn’t in the cards but instead the child shares a room with another child or maybe even two. Others may be dealing with disorders or illnesses like what Evie had. People may live in homes like our cabin, far too small for a traditional nursery setup. Some simply don’t have the money to create a nursery like the “perfect” ones seen online.
This may not make it feel any better, and you may still long for that dream nursery, that dream pregnancy but at the end of the day those aren’t the things that matter. You may feel frustrated that you can’t achieve what you long for, but if you have a healthy baby, or if you have the love for and from that child you are carrying and know that you will protect them, and care for them no matter what and that your family would do the same you have all the dreams and riches you need.
Joy In The Little Things
In all of my pregnancies I have found some way to prepare and enjoy some version of that preparation on some level. Even with Evie, despite most of my preparations being potential medical care she may need and the fight against the medical world to preserve her life if in her best interest I still found the little things to prepare for that brought some light. Her baptism was one of the most important.
With our first baby I still created a space for our child even if her nursery was a dresser. For this third baby, while late to the game and not a typical situation as we are moving, I am still preparing a space for our new baby. This week, I plan to launder their clothes and bedding, and we are expecting a dresser that I am SO excited about! We also plan to set up the bassinet and crib just in case we stay here longer than originally planned. There is still joy and fun in getting to prep for this baby despite it being different than what we often see and hear about online.
The Moral Of The Story
There’s no good or bad guy here. The women who get those dream nurseries or the ones that make do with what they have both have pros and cons. Simply put, everyone has their own unique stories. It doesn’t mean one story, or one child’s life or woman’s pregnancy is better than the other. All it means is that we all are living our own lives and that’s what keeps life exciting. We may not always like the way things pan out but God has a plan for us all and it’s the best for us and our families even if we don’t understand the how’s or the why’s. I take a lot of comfort in that!
So the next time you are scrolling through your phone drooling over the perfect pregnancy outfits, the elegant dreamy nursery, or the multitude of adorable baby clothes that you can’t afford or don’t have the means to create break the spell. Come back to reality. Love your baby, focus on the things you can control, and enjoy the little things. It may not look like what the online world tells you is the dream, but it is your story, and you aren’t alone. So many women are right there with you and we write our own stories and create our own dreams!
Looking For More Inspiration?
If you missed my last blog post I shared something a little different. I discuss why I started this blog and talked all things creating your own business. I have also been posting, and will be posting more in the upcoming weeks, on pregnancy related topics as I am pregnant with our third baby. Some of the latest pregnancy related posts are My Pregnancy Workout Routine and How To Handle Big Life Changes. Stay tuned for my hospital bag blog that’s coming up in the next couple of weeks!
As always, if you are looking for a great all year round cleaning routine then you can download my free year long cleaning checklist by clicking on the button “Download Your Checklist” on the Homepage. Enter your email, and you’ll receive your FREE checklist right in your inbox.
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