Let’s Face It
If we are being honest, homemaking is a full-time job and so is parenting. You may wonder how to balance homemaking AND parenting without being spread too thin. When you have two full-time jobs how are you supposed to do it all? Spoiler – you’re not. Keep reading to see what homemaking and parenting realistically looks like and know that it is okay if it is not the picture perfect moments you see online on social media.
You Aren’t Alone
Maybe you’ve been a homemaker for a while or maybe you just had a baby and decided that becoming a homemaker to care for your new bundle of joy is what’s best for your family. No matter your situation, or how skilled or new to homemaking you are, becoming a parent can be quite the challenge. If you are struggling to find a work-life balance in homemaking and parenting you aren’t alone and I have some tips to help you.
Homemaking And Parenting
First of all, homemaking doesn’t have to be complicated or fancy. If you are in full-on survival mode then you do what you need to do to get everyone through the day. Parenting and caring for your child is more important in my book than a sparkling clean floor or a shiny crumb-free kitchen. With that being said, it’s important to have a safe environment for your children so meeting the basics of cleanliness is still important. You don’t want tummy time to turn into baby eating something unsafe off the floor after all!
It took me a while to find my groove with homemaking and caring for my daughter. She was a contact napper, a comfort feeder, and hated being baby-worn but wanted to be held constantly. Safe to say I spent a lot of time sitting on the couch staring at the home I wished to care for.
I did a few things that helped me personally and may help you if you find yourself in a similar position. To feel somewhat productive while sitting a lot with my daughter I tried to do things that were productive on my phone like paying bills, looking for coupons, scheduling appointments, meal planning, or even educating myself and learning new skills.
I was a little nervous about always having a phone next to my newborn (who knows if there is radiation that gets to them and yes I’m paranoid haha!) so I also tried to read physical books or write things down physically. I also, in reality, binged several shows but at least part of the time I felt somewhat productive.
Prioritizing The Basics
In the short windows of time, I didn’t have my daughter on me, I did try to prioritize sleep, but I also fit in doing the basics of home care. I didn’t have a cleaning routine anymore but instead tackled the obvious problem areas. We didn’t have a dishwasher at the time so hand washing dishes was something I ended up doing pretty much every day. I also tried to do quick cleaning throughout the week like wiping down a counter here and there or cleaning out the toilet.
My cooking at that time was very quick and simplistic meals. Oftentimes, my sweet husband would tackle cooking so I could care for our daughter. Safe to say the first 3 to 6 months of having a baby were pretty much centered around adjusting to life as a new mom. All of my routines went out the window during this time. I won’t lie it was a tough transition in some ways because I thrive with schedules.
It’s All About The Mindset
The biggest tip I can give during this period in time is to relish every single moment, the good, the bad, and the ugly. It goes by so fast. People always say that but when you really stop and think about it as more than just a saying and instead as reality it really sets in. When you look down at your sweet baby’s face as they finally sleep peacefully after hours of frustration trying to get them down you see how true it is. You realize what a blessing every moment is.
My husband and I lost our second daughter to a disorder called Edward’s Syndrome (Trisomy 18). Let me tell you after the loss of a child my first child in her most frustrating state is such a blessing. It makes me feel grateful to have a child who is pushing my buttons. The next time you feel like you might explode when it comes to parenting and balancing everything being thrown at you, just take a breath and know that every situation in life is temporary. A tough moment with your kiddo is such a short moment in time compared to a lifetime of wonder (even if at the moment it doesn’t feel so fleeting).
Postpartum Reality
Postpartum is supposedly 12 weeks but I personally think that it lasts about a year. With my first child, I felt a bit more like me after 3 months, a little better after 6, and then the next big milestone at one year was where I felt like I was getting the whole parenting thing down. At the one year mark I also was just about back to my pre-pregnancy weight and fitting into all my prior clothes. I remember telling my husband to remind me that the one-year mark is when I will feel like me again!
My second postpartum journey has been very similar in the aspects of how I am doing physically. But life with my first child has changed quite a bit. I wouldn’t say things have gotten easier or harder with her. My belief, and I’ve heard a lot of parents agree with this sentiment, is that life with children has phases. Each phase swaps out some difficulties for easier things, and some easy things turn more difficult. There’s no easy or hard phase at the end of the day but instead a mix in every phase.
Finding the Balance
So how do you balance the amazing and the challenging aspects of each phase with your child while also caring for your household and other family members?
My Top Five Tips:
- Include your children in your activities
- Give your children tasks to do where they can “help” you
- Encourage and create independent play
- Take frequent breaks to interact with your child
- Maximize your wake time and your child’s sleep time
The Breakdown Of The Five Tips:
1. Include your children in your activities
Children are natural learners. They are intrigued by pretty much everything since much of the world is new to them. Sometimes when your kiddo is putting up a fight or fussing (perhaps clinging to your legs like a koala bear and crying) it can be frustrating. If you are frustrated, odds are your child is too. You are often your child’s whole world especially while at home so it’s important to make sure they feel included. This can look different depending on your child’s personality and age.
If you find that your child likes being close at all times try utilizing baby wearing. They even have toddler seats for your hip to keep your child happily attached to you and up high to see all you’re doing. My child never liked to be worn but liked being held; however, it’s hard to get things done holding onto your kiddo so instead I found ways to put her in booster seats or allow her to stand safely on child-friendly stools so that she can partake in what I’m doing. The addition of a toddler tower has been one of the best tools ever for mine and my daughter’s time together. She can see everything I am doing and have a part in it which is so fun!
It’s also helpful to talk through what you are doing. Go through colors or count the objects you’re using. Let your child hold onto safe objects and ask them to hand them to you when you need them. This moves into our tip number 2 which is including your child in what you are doing.
2. Give your children tasks to do where they can “help” you
Like in tip number 1, when you are cooking or baking if you pull out a clean measuring spoon or cup let your child hold onto it for a minute before asking if they can hand it to you. Tell them the measurements and talk about what you’re doing so that they not only feel included but are included. If you have a toddler and are nursing your baby ask your toddler to go grab a burp rag or something they can do to keep them busy and feeling like they are helping mom. If you are doing laundry let them “fold” an item or hand them a sock to put into the dryer from the wash. This might slow things down a little but I find it actually keeps things moving because it limits toddler meltdowns!
3. Encourage and create independent play
This naturally becomes easier as children get older or if they have siblings and a playmate, but it can be hard for some children to want to play independently. My daughter has struggled with this; however, I try to encourage it when I can. I work to find activities and toys that seem to keep her happily busy but I also know the reality. Oftentimes, for my daughter, independent play will be in short bursts so I try and maximize that time to do little things. Folding laundry, ironing, working on paying bills, meal planning (check out this post for tips), or perhaps working on your online business are things you can do that generally don’t interfere from your child doing their own thing. This one can be challenging but it’s important to keep trying because a bit of independent play is healthy.
4. Take frequent breaks to interact with your child
If you are busy running around doing the million things on every mom and homemaker’s list of to-dos it can be hard to pause all you’re doing, but odds are your child will eventually feel left out. Before your little one has a breakdown from feeling lonely make sure to stop and spend time together by perhaps reading a book or playing with some toys. This can also be a great opportunity to do a chore that you can include your child in like laundry or baking something together.
5. Maximize your wake time and your child’s sleep time
Sadly, my child was never much of a napper but she is a great nighttime sleeper. If you have a child who naps well utilize it! I always joke to my husband that as a mom you suddenly develop a superpower where when you have even just 5 minutes kid-free you can conquer the world. I can get so many things done in such a short amount of time since becoming a mom! Since my daughter isn’t a napper I usually use the couple of hours after she goes to bed to utilize as my go time. I don’t love that it’s late in the day that I can finally get things done but it’s better late than never. All those things that are just too hard to do when your little one is around are what you want to focus on during these precious hours.
Going With The Flow
Many of these tips will ebb and flow depending on how you utilize them. An infant versus a toddler versus a child who is in the early elementary years all bring their own twists to what works in a household. No matter the phase, these are some of the best tips I can give for those early years when you may be deep in the trenches of motherhood. Becoming a mom is one of the best and most beautiful things to experience and is incredibly rewarding but there are a lot of adjustments and things to learn.
At the end of the day, remember that homemaking and motherhood go hand in hand. Don’t overcomplicate homemaking. If it’s a day where you just survive and get dinner on the table then it’s a win. Your life and home don’t have to be perfect and glamorous when you are learning what works in parenting and caretaking. The memories you make and the care you provide for your child(ren) are far more important. A lot of it comes down to trial and error and finding what works for you and your family but trust me, it will come with time.
