Sort of a History
Homemaking is talked about a lot on my blog. I plan to discuss homemaking much more too. It feels important to define homemaking, or at least the way that I view it. I say that this blog post will be sort of a history of homemaking because I don’t plan to give you exact dates and a full history. Instead, this will be the history of the general concept of homemaking through the ages. It will also focus on today’s viewpoints of homemaking.
Has Homemaking Always Existed?
I would say, yes. It wasn’t always called homemaking or had a defined title though. Historically, people did what it took to survive. Survival means doing what you were naturally made to do and generally speaking (and this may ruffle some feathers) men were made for the hunting and gathering and women were made for child bearing and rearing and homemaking.
I want to preface, much of this blog will look at historical and traditional practices which seem to be a sore spot for many today. I figure if you are reading my blog you probably have a similar belief system or mindset that I share, but I just want to put it out there that this will be much of the viewpoint and stance in this blog post.
The Roles of Men and Women
With the warning label out of the way let’s get into the roles of men and women. This is important to touch on because I feel it has much to do with how homemaking was originally formed.
Before the modern comforts of life we know today we spent our days looking for our next meal, warmth – you know the whole food and shelter thing. When survival is your focus many of the things we put so much energy into today were things no one ever even thought about having the luxury to worry about. The needs were the basics.
Men and women were made uniquely and wonderfully different. As a Christian this is simple, for many it is less simple. Even looking at basic science and history though it is clear they are designed differently.
Men are generally stronger than women. They are especially gifted in upper body strength as compared to women. Men are driven and fulfilled in hunting and gathering.
Women on the other hand are on average smaller and gentler. They are still strong but much of their strength is mental and more lower body when it comes to the physical strength. Women are often fulfilled in providing care of some form whether that be bearing and rearing children or caring for others in the household or community.
Pregnancy is Something to Consider
It is also worth noting that women were designed for child bearing. Our bodies are uniquely made for that purpose. Even those who are unable to have children still have much of the physiological makeup to bear children. Because of sin and our fallen world sometimes things do not always operate as they are intended but women predominantly and physically are made to carry, birth, and care for children.
This shaped a lot of women’s roles in society and at home. Speaking as someone who used to be a police officer it is a lot easier for men to carry on a career like that than a woman when it comes to the decision of children. Even once the child is born breastfeeding or at the very least sorting out breastmilk comes into play to make things further challenging. It is much simpler and easier to fall into a roll that supports and works with what we were specifically designed to do (even if this comes to many women’s dismay).
The Times They are a Changing
Because of this many women in history bore children and took care of the home. Taking care of the home and even children has looked different over the different points in time and with societal status. Keeping in mind modern conveniences are relatively new inventions. Washing dishes, washing and drying clothing, cleaning the floors, etc. were a lot harder and more time consuming than they are now – and they still aren’t quick processes if we’re honest!
More well off women in higher society may have had servants and people to help with the children and the home. The average woman would have likely done more of the work on her own. Either way, at some point in history homemaking was no longer just what women did naturally and primitively it became more of their identity from a societal viewpoint and a career. Thus the title was formed.
There have been a lot of names over the years for homemaker like housewife, or stay-at-home-mom just to name a few. But they all have encompassed similar tasks which we will get into shortly. First let’s chat about what made it go from the natural way of life to a career “choice”.
The Sexual Revolution
With that came the sexual revolution. In the 1960’s (Oo sorry I used a history date!) the sexual revolution began and with it women’s lives were forever changed. No more were the days that a woman had to become pregnant if she didn’t wish to with the invention of oral contraceptives or “the pill” as we often call it.
In the late 90’s Plan B arrived on the market making it easier for women to avoid pregnancy even more than before. Whatever your beliefs or viewpoints on contraceptives or Plan B this drastically changed women’s place in society.
If women now had more of a choice and control over having children they were met with a new idea. Careers that were predominantly occupied by men were now more open to women too.
In my generation of the late 90’s girl power was all the rage, the internet and other electronics like cell phones were coming onto the scene, and girl power was at its peak. In the 80’s many women were still homemakers while the others worked primarily in areas of care such as teaching, nursing, and administrative roles. As girl power rose in popularity and advancements were made the home became “easier” to care for and the career woman was born.
Feminism
Feminism today is not something I particularly support. To me, the epitome of feminism is women supporting women – but modern culture is anything but. Women are often the first to attack other women in what they choose to do in their lives.
The beauty, and what I think so many “feminists” miss is that in today’s age women have a choice to do what they want and what works for them and their families. Want to be a CEO of a Fortune 500 company? Go for it! Want to be a second grade teacher? Go for it! Want to be a stay-at-home-mom? Go for it!
Some women are made to have children, others aren’t. Some women long to have children and can’t. We all have different strengths, weaknesses, interests, likes, and dislikes. We also all have different life circumstances.
Circumstances That Can Change Everything
Most people seemingly look at becoming a homemaker as a choice. I would say half the time it is a choice but the other half of the time there are many reasons that may make it necessary for someone to stay at home. Oftentimes this naturally falls on a female in a household for several reasons.
One, women have children and often children become a reason for someone to stay home. Usually, because the woman has the child and breastfeeds on usually some level whether via pumping or exclusively breast feeding it makes sense that the woman stays home with the child(ren).
Two, women are often more interested in and designed for caretaking. Say you have a sick or disabled person who needs special care. Children that need special needs met. Any or all of these are just a few of the scenarios that may lead to someone becoming a homemaker.
My Personal Scenario
In our particular case, prior to having our first child I was working an administrative remote job. It was a busy job that was a lot more than it sounded. On average I worked more than 40 hours a week. When it came time to have my daughter I planned to go back to work part-time after maternity leave.
I did a lot of research and talked to quite a few people about their experiences going back to work remotely with a child at home. It seemed on average feasible and a reasonable goal to aim for. I quickly realized after my daughter was born it was not doable for me.
My daughter needed me and my full attention and care. I think some children are very happy to nap independently, they don’t mind being left a little more alone, and are overall just generally calm children. My daughter was none of the above. She needed to be constantly held, but did not like baby wearing. I exclusively breastfed and she comfort and cluster fed. Safe to say my arms were never free.
To top it all off she was never a napper. If she napped it had to be on me. At night, she wanted to co-sleep but I am not a co-sleeper. I had a fear of smothering my child or dropping her if she were on me. It was such a fear I could never fall asleep. Averaging two hours of sleep a night I couldn’t even get sleep, let alone cooking or chores done. How on earth was I going to work outside the home too?!
A Tough Call
Many people probably think that because becoming a homemaker is typically a choice it also is an easy choice. Wrong, again. Some women want to go back to work. They need the adult interaction, they need time away from the chaos of children, or maybe they just really enjoy their job and want to get back to it.
In our case, it came down to the care of our child and finances. It financially did not make sense for me to go back to work. Since I worked remotely I wasn’t putting mileage on my car, using gas, and we weren’t spending money on childcare. Not only would we have all of those increases in expenses, especially the high cost of childcare, but I would be going to work part-time and have a drastic reduction in my salary.
Once we had crunched the numbers my husband and I quickly realized we would not only be bringing in no additional money, we may actually lose money. We live far from any childcare and hiring a nanny would not save money but likely be even more costly. We were new at the time to our area with no friends or family to help.
Then there was the most important concern and that was the care and wellbeing of our daughter. Children distinctly need their parents and have a special bond with the mother who bears and nurses them. This is a comfort that only a mother can bring. My daughter needed that comfort like she needed food and sleep. It felt necessary for me to be home with her.
Feeling Fulfilled
I have to say, I have never had a career that has made me feel more fulfilled than being a homemaker and stay-at-home-mom. I am busier than ever, I never sit down, and it can be a grueling and thankless job – but I LOVE it! It surprises me how many women say so many negative things about homemaking. Society has made them feel less than and it just isn’t so. I hear things like, “I am JUST a homemaker” as if being a homemaker is less than other careers out there.
Being able to support the most important people in our lives, creating a safe space, and comforting environment that functions well is by no means a small task with little to no value. Sometimes, the role of support can be one of the most important. You never know what you are encouraging or fostering as you bring up a child.
Men’s roles in society are still at a basic level hunting and gathering. Rather than going out and hunting wild game, or building a house by hand they now go to a nine-to-five job perhaps, but they are still fulfilled in caring for their families and providing those basic needs. Women, likewise, do the same as what they do so many primitive years ago. Even many women who still choose to work outside the home go into careers that are a trade off from what they would be doing at home. For instance, I am a homeschool teacher, but many women become teachers for other’s children. Nurses, administrative staff – these are all popular female career choices and all things homemakers do too, just in their personal realm.
The Viewpoints of Homemaking Today
Homemaking doesn’t seem to just make women feel less than but it also seems to be a divisive topic in today’s world – leading to much of that less than feeling. I have noticed in recent years there seem to be two (maybe three) main branches of thinking when it comes to homemaking and none are particularly good – or accurate in my opinion.
One, homemaking is taking us back hundreds of years. It is supporting the idea that women are beneath everyone else, slaves to men and even children. It is somehow this evil role that supports the opposite stance that women are going for these days.
Then you have the opposite spectrum, which follows women who are homemakers living a “perfect” life. These women do it all. Not only do they do it all, they do it remarkably well. They are a status that no one can ever live up to. Do I enjoy this content because it can be pleasing to watch and inspirational? Absolutely! But, do I also hit burn out with it and have to tread lightly for fear of tearing myself down because I can’t live up to the standards they are setting? Also, absolutely!
Lastly, there is this odd new kind of category that fits somewhere in between the other two – tradwives. I’m sure you have heard of the trend by now, but basically traditional women who for social media purposes make themselves look like perfect 1950’s housewife dolls. It comes off a bit Stepford Wife like to me and is really kind of creepy. There is some humor for sure, but many who support the idea (when it is not genuine) as a whole are doing a disservice to truly traditional women by turning them into garish cartoon caricatures.
What is Homemaking Really?
I suppose at the end of the day, homemaking is all about one’s individual household and needs. In my opinion, and what I think most average homemakers do is caring for their family and their home. This means exactly what you think – cleaning, cooking, caring for children, and anything in between. You can go as far or as simple as you want with homemaking. You can learn the art of setting a table perfectly, you can learn the art of hosting, you can learn how to basketweave, delve into interior decorating, and so on and so forth. Or you can do the basics. You can cook meals, keep the home relatively clean and functioning, make sure everyone has what they need and gets to their designated places.
Homemaking at it’s core is caring for and supporting those we care for most. For years, even going back to the Victorian era there have been books on the art of homemaking because there is an art to it. Do you need books to teach you? No, but they can be fun and you can learn a lot from them. Societally, women in the Victorian era that were well off took to learning interior design and the more highfalutin interests because they had the time, while the others took on just the basics. Either way, there is, and always has been, a place for every woman in homemaking.
Who Needs Glamour?
Over the years, and after many different careers, a college education, and life experience I can safely say that I am my happiest and most fulfilled knee deep in a mess at home, on the floor covered in toddlers toys, and balancing all the millions of things I have on my plate. I am exhausted, but happy. My life feels complete with my family. My husband and I have worked hard to build our home, build our family, and support one another. The love of my child, the love of my husband, the satisfied faces at a dinner table after a day of hard work and a fresh made meal feels good. Heads safely hitting the pillows each night means I did my tasks at hand and did them well.
Some days are better than others. Some seasons of life are harder than others. No matter what, I wake up everyday doing something that I love, that I find immensely valuable, and that help and support the people I love most in the world. I don’t need glitz or glamour, I don’t need fame or fortune, or recognition. I feel fulfilled as I watch my garden grow and know that I had just a little to do with that!
Looking for More on Homemaking?
I have a whole section on my blog labeled Homemaking. I am constantly posting more and more to the Homemaking section so check back often! My latest post delves into one of my weekly secret weapons for keeping up with my home, my Saturday Reset. I also encourage you to sign up for my email list, especially because if you click on the link on my homepage that says “Download Your Checklist!” you can get a free all year cleaning checklist sent right to your inbox. If you are a homemaker looking for a good cleaning routine, then look no further!
